insomnia

Feb. 24th, 2010 05:52 am
mellowtigger: (sleepy)
Stressful day at work and on the roadways.  I went to buy beer to help me get to sleep.  It worked, but only for about 4.5 hours.  *sigh*

The usual.  Twitches.  Sensations.  Nearly a muscle cramp, this time in the arch of my right foot.  I rearranged my legs and avoided a full cramp.

An hour passed without a hint of sleep, so I figured I might as well document a partial dream from a few nights ago.  Not a full dream, just a snippet.  It featured my ex and included a sexual yearning.  In the dream, though, we sort of passed by each other and didn't really notice or focus on each other.  Operating at different wavelengths.

The usual, in other words.

I go in for additional testing on Friday morning.  Two more days.  *twiddle*
mellowtigger: (hypercube)
I dreamed again last night.  More accurately, I awoke and still remembered the dream.

I was attending another university.  The dream involved my trip there and the days of my first week in classes.  The university was odd for three reasons.  First, it was founded by one man who had earned his fortune in business.  I think it was the movie business, sort of like a Walt Disney story.  He still lived and worked on university grounds.  Second, although the university was a secular institution, the policy there included a strong religious slant in order to acquiesce to the founder's own personal beliefs.  Not quite like Oral Roberts University, but along those lines.  Third, it was very cheap to attend.  The costs were low because the founder insisted they be so, and that's the reason that I was attending; it was affordable to me.

I was going at my current age, so I was much older than other students.  I got paired on campus with a roommate that I think was gay, but he was still too closeted to say so to anyone.  That's when I noticed that nobody on campus was "out".  Somehow this realization morphed into me confronting the founder of the institution about his beliefs on homosexuality.  One male and two female students joined me, but they again were very closeted and would not even come out to me.  I was the only one who spoke to the man.

We argued for a while and then I suggested that he attend one of his own Psych 101 classes to learn that homosexuality is an inherent condition rather than a moral failing.  He ranted about how gay was evil.  It was the usual and familiar tripe.  We left the meeting without getting permission for a gay group on campus.  I was left with a personal choice about staying or leaving before my first week was even up.  And then I woke.

Nothing in the dream involved autism directly.  There is the subtle similarity that autism is considered a universal "wrongness", never to be approved or desired.  Yet I woke with a new theory about autism, and it specifically involves university campuses.

The CDC finally admitted a few days ago that the incidence of autism is indeed rising, currently at about 1 out of every 110 children.  People are wondering what environmental trigger (poisonous exposure) is causing this "epidemic".  What if there is no chemical trigger for autism?  What if the trigger is actually social?

We know that environmental conditions (health, stress, etc.) change which genes that a person has switched on and off.  We know, through the wonders of epigenetics, that these changes can be passed along to offspring as "preset conditions" in their genetic machinery.  In essence, epigenetics allows children to be prepared for the same environment that their parents faced, giving them a competitive edge in meeting those particular challenges.

During the last century, however, the environment that people face has changed dramatically.  First, women entered the workforce during World War II.  The demands placed upon the bodies and minds of women changed significantly.  Second, the workforce began attending college in increased numbers.  These days, college degrees are listed as job requirements for careers that (in my opinion) should not in any way require them.  College has essentially become a mandatory experience.

What if these social changes caused two very significant biological changes?
  1. Epigenetics favored mental changes in individuals, more women were changed but also many men.
  2. Breeding opportunities changed, allowing more individuals with these mental changes to partner and produce children?
What if Mother Nature is trying to produce a new human suitable to the environment that we created for ourselves, and autism is currently one of its byproducts, one of the "tweaks" being experimented with to see if it is a suitable solution?

We already know about the engineering effect and the Silicon Valley effect.  What if the same thing is happening on a grand scale, worldwide?  What if the combination of "women's liberation" and the "technology revolution" together are helping to produce the next evolutionary change in humans, and we are just now beginning to see the side effects of Mother Nature's experimentation in how to produce Homo brains?

triptych

Dec. 8th, 2009 08:45 am
mellowtigger: (Default)
Another dream. It's only been 4 months since the last one, so this seems a little "soon" to have another. I'm having a harder time interpreting this one, though. There is no smooth transition between scenes. They jump directly from one instance one to another.

Read the three scenes... )

Interpretation: I'm mostly at a loss on this one. The lightning/shadow seems like a fair metaphor for the nerve tics and damage, and perhaps a caution that they're encroaching upon the normal metabolism of my body (city construction) and causing some secondary problem (the "poison" in the city pipes). That's as far as I can take the interpretation though. Too many disjointed pieces for me to see a whole yet.
mellowtigger: (Default)
My posts about dreams mention that I rarely remember any of my dreams.  Maybe just 3-4 times each year do I remember one.  Tonight's was more bizarre than usual.  It incorporates stuff that I have never before encountered in my dreams.  I consider it a nightmare since it caused me to wake up in panic mode.

Read the dream sequence... )

*poof*  I wake up in panic.
mellowtigger: (Default)
Normally I remember only a handful of dreams a year, and those tend to be dreams of recurring themes.  Exceptionally rare are dreams of original material that I remember upon waking.  In recent days, though, I have exceeded my annual quota.  I think last night I may have finally figured out the cause.

A body will crave things that it needs.  So too will a mind.  I have spent many years simplifying my life, removing things that seemed unnecessary.  Apparently now though my mind craves emotional complexities that I consciously avoid.  I haven't dated in 11 years.  I needed my own space to ponder many issues, and I figured it was a sort of kindness, actually, to not inflict myself upon anyone new.  So it was a bit troublesome to find that "the men of my dreams" were actually showing up in my dreams.  Last night the dead made an appearance too.  The surprise of it was sufficient to wake me immediately upon seeing him.  At least I figured it out finally, I think.  My mind craves the complexity of a relationship again.

Naughty mind.  As soon as I find it, I'll have to give it a proper scolding.

ill wind

Apr. 26th, 2008 04:53 am
mellowtigger: (Default)
I seldom remember my dreams, maybe 3-4 times a year. The ones I do remember tend to be nightmares since those are the ones that I wake up still panicking from the experience, trying hard to concentrate to resolve my actual situation.

So I wake up tonight from a type of bad dream that I've never had before. Caught/trapped in a bad situation, subject to the whims of a total stranger who seems (through the logic of the situation) intent to annoy or destroy me socially/emotionally for his own amusement.  I think I prefer the other bad dreams, the nightmares that are the usual culprits for waking me up.

1-2 minutes pass as I ponder my situation.

I realize that T'Reese is also having a bad dream. She's asleep at my waist, within arm's reach. (Very unusual.) I reach down to touch her. She steps off the mattress (still within arm's reach, as my hand still rests on her back in the dark) walking as if she's dealing with legs that have "gone to sleep". Then she gets all affectionate but not in the way that usually means she wants food. Then she settles down in bed again to groom herself, out of arm's reach. So she's back to normal now.

1-2 minutes pass as I ponder her situation.

I realize that the house is under its own strains. Loud popping inside the house, even though there's no one awake to be walking around. I hear wind. I feel the heater running.

More time passes as I realize that I'm not going to be able to sleep again.

So I get up and turn on my computer.  It's unusually dark outside.  Cloud cover must be very high up (too high to reflect city lights easily).  There's snow outside. Weather.com says it's 30F/-1C out there with 22 mph/35 kph winds.  Satellite maps show widespread cloud cover.

I've pondered before "the subtleties of the blessing and the curse".  A curious thing, a mind that constantly searches for meaning, linking sensory input with logical meanings, joining literal with metaphorical.  It works so persistently that where it fails to find correlation...

It creates.

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