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good for them
2008-May-16, Friday 09:09 amGood for them, out in California, in their state supreme court win for legal gay marriages. I like it when people achieve something significant that they want, and it doesn't really cost anything of others. Marriage as a concept is something that I have other opinions about and I'm sure to write about them someday, but that's not the point of this post.
There are some things ("warm fuzzy" sorts of things) that I find nice to think about, but that I know are never to be part of my experience.
Childbirth. I think it's truly an awesome concept to be pregnant and to give birth. To develop another life inside your own body and then set it out into the world. Utterly fascinating. But not something that I'll ever experience, because random chance left me male, without the proper equipment to bear children. Beautiful to behold, but not part of my life. That wonder is not for me to know.
Marriage. I wish I could know what it's like to be in a lifelong relationship. Not just for the waking moments, but also just for the sake of sleeping next to a warm comforting body at night. Just magical. But not something that I'll ever experience. Sure the legal hurdles are falling, but random chance left me a loner, without the proper equipment to maintain relationships. Beautiful to behold, but not part of my life. That wonder is not for me to know.
Home. I imagine how nice it would be to have some stability in material things as well. A place that can never go away, someplace to belong always. Both the building/landscape (house and garden) and the concept of companionship too (the marriage thing again). How reassuring that must be. But not something that I'll ever experience, because random chance left me too simpleminded, without skill to navigate the complex legal/bureaucratic landscape that is necessary to acquire such things. Nice concept, but not part of my life. That wonder is not for me to know.
Back in the 1980s, during my crash-and-burn period when I was seeing multiple counselors, the shrinks asked me at some point what I thought about the couples I saw holding hands around campus. I told them that it was something that I'd never know myself, although I wasn't clear back then about why. I already knew then that I was just built differently and that pleasant things that others took for granted would not be a part of my life. Then in the 1990s, when I ended my last relationship, I just sort of reaffirmed the realization and so I haven't tried inflicting myself upon anyone since then. I figure now in the 2000s, post-diagnosis, I'm a lot better equipped for such things, but... knowing that I'm just not built for these endeavors, I suppose it's a question of how much effort I want to put into overcoming innate obstacles.
So it's the happy, fertile, friendly people who get to marry and raise children in their homes. I'm still other people, doing my part to balance out the cosmic equation.
Good for them, though. I'm willing and able to help them build better futures. It's not something I expect to receive myself, but I'll certainly help out the effort anyway.
There are some things ("warm fuzzy" sorts of things) that I find nice to think about, but that I know are never to be part of my experience.
Childbirth. I think it's truly an awesome concept to be pregnant and to give birth. To develop another life inside your own body and then set it out into the world. Utterly fascinating. But not something that I'll ever experience, because random chance left me male, without the proper equipment to bear children. Beautiful to behold, but not part of my life. That wonder is not for me to know.
Marriage. I wish I could know what it's like to be in a lifelong relationship. Not just for the waking moments, but also just for the sake of sleeping next to a warm comforting body at night. Just magical. But not something that I'll ever experience. Sure the legal hurdles are falling, but random chance left me a loner, without the proper equipment to maintain relationships. Beautiful to behold, but not part of my life. That wonder is not for me to know.
Home. I imagine how nice it would be to have some stability in material things as well. A place that can never go away, someplace to belong always. Both the building/landscape (house and garden) and the concept of companionship too (the marriage thing again). How reassuring that must be. But not something that I'll ever experience, because random chance left me too simpleminded, without skill to navigate the complex legal/bureaucratic landscape that is necessary to acquire such things. Nice concept, but not part of my life. That wonder is not for me to know.
Back in the 1980s, during my crash-and-burn period when I was seeing multiple counselors, the shrinks asked me at some point what I thought about the couples I saw holding hands around campus. I told them that it was something that I'd never know myself, although I wasn't clear back then about why. I already knew then that I was just built differently and that pleasant things that others took for granted would not be a part of my life. Then in the 1990s, when I ended my last relationship, I just sort of reaffirmed the realization and so I haven't tried inflicting myself upon anyone since then. I figure now in the 2000s, post-diagnosis, I'm a lot better equipped for such things, but... knowing that I'm just not built for these endeavors, I suppose it's a question of how much effort I want to put into overcoming innate obstacles.
So it's the happy, fertile, friendly people who get to marry and raise children in their homes. I'm still other people, doing my part to balance out the cosmic equation.
Good for them, though. I'm willing and able to help them build better futures. It's not something I expect to receive myself, but I'll certainly help out the effort anyway.