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Stalky McStalksalot
2010-Mar-18, Thursday 02:19 amInsomnia. The usual, I suppose. I tried whiskey earlier, but it isn't helping.
Future has been complicated, so lately I've looked to the past instead. Google is grand.
Found "the one" again, who seems blissfully happy. (The bastard. *laugh*) Or at least busy. It helps that I don't entirely approve of what/where zhey's found to do with zheir life, although I did warn zhem about such choices a lifetime ago. This might be a first. I don't think I've written about or mentioned publicly that guy in nearly 20 years. There's some pondering to do on a non-tipsy night.
Found "the ex" for the first time in 12+ years. Zhey moved out of zheir original house to a nearby city. Zheir father died 3 years ago, which is too bad. (The father seemed old even when I met zhem, but zhey seemed like a decent man back then.) I still have a few books that belonged to my ex. I should probably try to let them go too.
Might have found "the long-term ex". I located one link that said someone by zheir name (with some home city names that I recognized) died back in 2002. That's possible, although I couldn't find a photo or address on the webpage that would help me confirm. Zhey got zheir AIDS diagnosis during our 2nd month together (of 18 total months). That was back in 1996 or so? Hard to remember such details. It annoys me a whole lot when I read Minnesota headlines in recent days that the young gay guys here are back to 1986 HIV rates again. I got through the epidemic while staying HIV-negative, even dating a man with AIDS. There's no excuse for going backwards to such problems again.
Two others I already know about and communicate online. I didn't need to search for "the one I came out for". I visited that gravestone back when I was still a teenager.
Future always seems easier to navigate when there isn't past to carry along. It's impossible to make all of the parts fit neatly. Life is jagged.
Future has been complicated, so lately I've looked to the past instead. Google is grand.
Found "the one" again, who seems blissfully happy. (The bastard. *laugh*) Or at least busy. It helps that I don't entirely approve of what/where zhey's found to do with zheir life, although I did warn zhem about such choices a lifetime ago. This might be a first. I don't think I've written about or mentioned publicly that guy in nearly 20 years. There's some pondering to do on a non-tipsy night.
Found "the ex" for the first time in 12+ years. Zhey moved out of zheir original house to a nearby city. Zheir father died 3 years ago, which is too bad. (The father seemed old even when I met zhem, but zhey seemed like a decent man back then.) I still have a few books that belonged to my ex. I should probably try to let them go too.
Might have found "the long-term ex". I located one link that said someone by zheir name (with some home city names that I recognized) died back in 2002. That's possible, although I couldn't find a photo or address on the webpage that would help me confirm. Zhey got zheir AIDS diagnosis during our 2nd month together (of 18 total months). That was back in 1996 or so? Hard to remember such details. It annoys me a whole lot when I read Minnesota headlines in recent days that the young gay guys here are back to 1986 HIV rates again. I got through the epidemic while staying HIV-negative, even dating a man with AIDS. There's no excuse for going backwards to such problems again.
Two others I already know about and communicate online. I didn't need to search for "the one I came out for". I visited that gravestone back when I was still a teenager.
Future always seems easier to navigate when there isn't past to carry along. It's impossible to make all of the parts fit neatly. Life is jagged.