kinds of computer game(r)s

I spend a huge amount of time playing computer games. To entertain myself, to relax from stress, to explore and wake a dull mind. I don't usually watch other people play computer games, even though there are now many such channels on the internet for viewing other games or watching competitions. I just don't enjoy it. I know in my mind that it's exactly like sports fans watching sportsball games on television (watching other people play a game, instead of playing it yourself), which is immensely popular worldwide. It just doesn't appeal to me.

With 2 exceptions.

1. The last time I dated (over 2 decades ago), I played computer games while my then-boyfriend played console games. I enjoyed watching him play games, because he clearly enjoyed himself, and I enjoyed that vicarious thrill with him.
    
2. Similarly, I enjoy watching one particular YouTube channel of the "Grandma Gamer", 80-year-old Shirley Curry.  She has over 600,000 followers on YouTube, so clearly I'm not alone in my appreciation of her broadcasts.  The Grandma Gamer is so famous for playing a particular computer game (Elder Scrolls, which I also enjoy) that the makers of that game have digitized her so that she will be an actual character in the new version of the game.

Another old game being remade is one of my favorites, the Baldur's Gate roleplaying series. They announced last week that it would finally be getting a sequel, just 2 decades after the last major version. Since that announcement, I've been replaying that older version on my Linux computer. On the Steam game platform where I buy games these days, they usually offer "badges" (called Achievements) for completing certain tasks within games. The most uncommon Achievement in Baldur's Gate 2 is the one for winning the game on its hardest difficulty setting. So, of course, I had to try for that badge on this new playthrough.  That's my party of adventurers, pictured on the right.

I've learned 2 things so far.

1. I don't like games with this kind of difficulty. It's tedious. Every single step forward is a danger, so progress is annoyingly slow. I dislike it. There's no such thing as walking somewhere to just to walk there. Every place is full of hazards out to kill you, and they do so quickly.  I don't enjoy that adrenaline rush.  I just find it stressful.
    
2. I learned that in such difficult game circumstances, there is a good reason to have a type of character in my gaming party that does no combat damage himself, but he is there solely to mitigate the danger posed by others. He's a kind of bard (called a "jester" in this case) who mesmerizes opponents so that they can't immediately attack. He is more valuable on this hardest difficulty setting than a mage who can fire off magic damage at enemies, which seems strange.

Altogether, I've learned that I play these games for the exploration and the amusement, not the so-called "challenge". The challenge is there just as an excuse for the voyage to new locations and the randomness of a new combat encounter. Not to tediously "slog through it". I want to see my party of characters do things in new combinations, to learn new specialties together, to adapt to the unpredictable effect of a random good or bad attack.

Thats why I enjoy watching the Grandma Gamer. Not to marvel at her technical skill (which mostly isn't there, but she's really good at aiming a bow quickly in Elder Scrolls). I watch her to enjoy her as a person marveling at new landscapes she views, laughing at the funny speeches from her sidekick, or worrying at the dark dungeon she explores.

I don't care about her skill. I appreciate her wonderment. And that's also why I play the games that I do. I very much prefer the roleplaying games where I control an entire party of characters with different skills. Or the city builders where I arrange specialists in different locations. I try to optimize their effectiveness, yes, but I do so within the limits imposed by the beauty of the city layout.

Pure tactical optimization is... unfun. It can be a challenge only until you spot a maximum optimization, then it's just pointless. Continuously playing and replaying for wonder is different. It can always be fun.

Other players want the player-vs-player "skill" challenge. I explicitly avoid it. I'm here just to sightsee.