Most people trying to argue (in either the good or bad sense) try to "face off" and look at each other. I don't know if it's posturing to increase their presence, staring to be intimidating, or just displaying themselves as a way to indicate that the matter has their complete attention. Regardless, that usually ends up bad for me. I realized that I can much better pay attention to what's happening and not panic about it if we don't look at each other.
Instead, if one of us (either way seemed to work just as well) is holding the other snugly (both of us facing the same direction) in his arms then I can maintain concentration. For somebody else, I suppose such behavior would be interpreted as aggressive/controlling, but for me it seemed more like an assurance that whatever was being discussed could never "spill out of control". The gesture meant, to me, that our relationship was still "locked in" and so a difficult topic could still be broached safely. It's possible to discuss anything, apparently, in a hug machine. *laugh*
One good trick that I learned from listening to a presentation by a mixed couple is a nifty method they used for negotiating chores or other tasks. The requester would rate (1 to 10) how badly they wanted something done, and the partner would rate (1 to 10) how badly they wanted to avoid it. Whoever got the higher number would win that time. It didn't require explaining WHY a task warranted a certain score at that particular moment, but it was just a quick way of getting the negotiation completed. Very efficient. I like it. I think it would be cool to give it a try. :)
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Date: 2009-Jun-29, Monday 09:02 pm (UTC)Instead, if one of us (either way seemed to work just as well) is holding the other snugly (both of us facing the same direction) in his arms then I can maintain concentration. For somebody else, I suppose such behavior would be interpreted as aggressive/controlling, but for me it seemed more like an assurance that whatever was being discussed could never "spill out of control". The gesture meant, to me, that our relationship was still "locked in" and so a difficult topic could still be broached safely. It's possible to discuss anything, apparently, in a hug machine. *laugh*
One good trick that I learned from listening to a presentation by a mixed couple is a nifty method they used for negotiating chores or other tasks. The requester would rate (1 to 10) how badly they wanted something done, and the partner would rate (1 to 10) how badly they wanted to avoid it. Whoever got the higher number would win that time. It didn't require explaining WHY a task warranted a certain score at that particular moment, but it was just a quick way of getting the negotiation completed. Very efficient. I like it. I think it would be cool to give it a try. :)