mellowtigger

A while back, the city did some road work that required tearing up the curb and nearby lawn.  Afterwards, they used grass seed to restore lawns.  It didn't work well.  Houses near the park ended up with dandelion beds instead of grass.  One neighbor dug out the flowers last year.  Another neighbor did it this year.  I figured it was time that we finally removed them from our lawn.

I spent some time weeding on Saturday and Sunday.  I didn't think I had spent so much time outdoors to warrant a burn like this. My shoulders and thighs are the worst, and I'm only mildly burned on my arms, legs, and face.  I've been using an old aloe vera Solarcaine formula.  It helps a lot.

I normally have time spent bicycling to help me acclimate to summer daylight.  Even without bicycling, though, this amount of burn surprised me.  I went looking online to see if sun sensitivity is a side effect of the warfarin medication that I'm taking.  Officially, it seems not to be a side effect, but I find many anecdotal stories that it is.

I guess I should spend more time gradually introducing full sunlight to my skin.  Winters in Minnesota keep everybody cooped up indoors for a long time, so we all end up a little pale.  Today, though, I'm more pink than pale.  Getting to sleep tonight may be a mild adventure, since the cats like to lay up against me, but it will be uncomfortable for me tonight.  We'll see how it goes.

Star Trek is not Star Trek. It is now merely a space adventure franchise. Color me disappointed.

I was intending to boycott the new Star Trek movie altogether after my disappointment in the first film. I saw a documentary, though, that showed me the set of the new Enterprise engineering deck. It's not a Hollywood facade. They filmed at the National Ignition Facility where scientists are attempting to produce a viable fusion energy source. After learning that fact, I decided to see the movie at a cheap(er) matinee price. I enjoyed those scenes on the "engineering deck". I appreciated that they would swap the fictional warp core design of previous lore with an actual fusion energy source being explored today. The gesture is not enough to save the film from heavy criticism, though.

Roddenberry imagined a future in which people are better both individually and together in their culture. The episodes and the movies showed us our modern foibles. They showed us the benefits of overcoming our faults and the dangers of succumbing to them. The metaphors were obvious, and the better future was plainly evident. Humanity, as we could see there on our television screens, greatly benefited by overcoming our collective fears and biases of gender, skin color, and language. We braved the unknown, driven by the self-motivating need to learn more about the universe. In doing so, we also learned more about ourselves.

Gone are those days of Star Trek exploration and self-evaluation.

gender: The new Star Trek movies by J. J. Abrams actually backtrack on that original premise.  As actress Felicia Day has noticed, strong female characters are strangely missing.  Gone is the female first officer from the original Star Trek pilot.  Gone is the female voice of the ship computer. Gone is the female nurse Christine Chapel, apparently already a casualty of the captain's reckless love life. Lieutenant Uhura is there mostly to justify Spock's humanity rather than to contribute her knowledge and opinions to the plot. The one opportunity she had to contribute something meaningful (while speaking Klingon) was quickly converted into a "damsel in distress" plot point instead.

race: Racially, the new movies suffer the same backtrack. In military council, the new movie offers a bunch of (mostly) white guys. The plot begins with a "disadvantaged" black man helping out the villain. The villain himself changed from the original dark-skinned superhuman from India into a pale superhuman from England. The Enterprise bridge is theoretically multicultural, but if they wanted to make the old story relevant to modern multicultural issues, then Chekhov should have been Pakistani, Sulu should have been Chinese, and Scotty should have been Brazilian.  Any one of them should have been female.  We know the audience can accept such changes: witness Starbuck in the Battlestar Galactica reboot.

orientation: Roddenberry promised us, back in 1987, that a gay character would appear in the new television series.  He promised again, in 1991, that he would put a gay character onto the bridge of the USS Enterprise during the 5th season.  Unfortunately, he died a few months afterwards.  No studio has had the courage to fulfill his promise.  Thanks to J. J. Abrams, we do see gay actor Zachary Quinto playing a major character on the bridge.  But the absence of a gay character in this imagined world of tomorrow leaves a negative impression. The omission is a negative portrayal of future society since it means that homosexuality still is not the non-issue that we hope it to be eventually. The story lags behind our modern society, which is not where utopian storytelling should be.

So the new Star Trek, I've concluded, is not utopian. It's merely a sci-fi action franchise. Useful for profits; not so useful for teaching society that it can build a better future. The movie tried to use its last 60 seconds to provide a "moral to the story", but it was too little, too late. A few words at the end can't make this movie into Star Trek worthy of the Roddenberry memory. I won't be gifting my money to future films until they return to the storytelling of hope.

I've had plenty to complain about lately, but I guess it's time for a little good news.

First, Minnesota is officially changing its laws today to recognize gay marriages. Our state governor signs the legislation into law today. It's a good change brought to us through the hard work of many gay people coming out of the closet and even more straight people who listened to the pleas of gay couples who wanted their government to grant them the same benefits as other couples. The Saint Paul mayor even renamed the "Wabasha Street Freedom Bridge" to the "Wabasha Street Freedom To Marry Bridge" for the week, and pride flags line the bridge.  They're expecting a huge celebration in Saint Paul tonight.

I can't emphasize enough the importance of straight allies like Chris Kluwe.  It matters who speaks because it changes who will listen. It shouldn't matter, but it does. Ideas should be sufficient on their own merits, but they aren't. America abolished slavery because the free fought to share their rights. America allowed women to vote because the voting men agreed to share their privilege. America is slowly granting homosexuals equal protection under the law because heterosexuals are voting to share their benefits.

Second, T'Reese is doing much better. The veterinarian found no evidence of problems in the stool sample. Apparently old cats are prone to constipation, and it happens to cause great pain for T'Reese when that happens. I'm adding wet cat food to her diet to help avoid this problem in the future.

Third, I'm back to using a cane for mobility rather than crutches. I can even walk very slowly around my bedroom without the cane. I'm still prone to painful muscle cramps when I use my left leg, and I get electric shocks down the length of my leg, and my left knee hurts a lot when I put too much weight on it. Progress is progress, though. I'll take it.

Fourth, I estimate that I can have all of my medical bills paid off by the end of this year. It depends entirely, though, on not having any car problems in 2013. That condition seems unlikely, though, since I spend almost $1500/year on car repairs. It's been pretty consistent over the last decade. Car repairs are the big unnecessary drain on my finances. I wish I could live and work someplace where I could ditch the car altogether. I think I'll have to move to a larger metropolitan area, though, to succeed at that kind of lifestyle change.


Anyway... celebrate the good news while it's happening, right?


So today's theme song is this country music chart topper by Anne Murray from 1983: A Little Good News.

T'Reese is in pain tonight. She has vomited a few times, and she has pooped on my bed a few times tonight because she can't travel to the litter box. This contingency is why I left the plastic on the new mattress that I bought a few months ago.

I drove one of my landlords to the hospital emergency room yesterday morning. They gave him 2 liters of intravenous fluids to help him recover from dehydration from an apparent norovirus infection. My other landlord had the same infection last week, after getting it from his relatives. So far, I've stayed healthy, still dealing with the blood clot and poor circulation in my left leg.

I would take T'Reese to the vet first thing this morning, except I have to be in Saint Paul for a special phone system upgrade with Integra at 8am. I guess I'll head back home as soon as it's finished. I have no idea how I'm going to move a pet carrier while I'm on crutches. I guess I can push my luck and try a cane. Unless the sick landlord is staying home and is well enough to carry her for me. If so, maybe I can get him to carry my heavy coin bag to the bank for a deposit, so I can afford the vet visit.

T'Reese is old. She is about 15.5 years old, so she's had a good run as a cat. There may not be much that a vet can do for her. Someday, when I'm convinced that she doesn't have any pain-free days left, I'll ask the vet to euthanize her. I'm not looking forward to that day. I'll probably take her body to work so they can cremate her. I figure I can spread her ashes in the front yard where she looks through the big window while sitting on the couch.

We're a pathetic bunch this week. Mortality bites.

I'm still on crutches. I injured myself on 3/23, so it's been about 6 weeks now.

The anti-coagulant medications have definitely helped with the pain.  If I don't use my left leg, the pain is gone altogether.  When I use my leg, though, it's immediately obvious that the circulation in my leg still isn't normal yet.  You can see it in this photo that I took at 9pm last night.

The calf and foot are still swollen, and the coloration is still just slightly off in my left foot.  When I suddenly go upright, I feel sharp pains throughout my lower leg.  Similar sensations follow (with bonus pains) when I try to support my weight on it.

I'm beginning to wonder if the circulation was permanently damaged by the blood clot.  I'll hold out hope for another week or two.  Meanwhile, medical bills are starting to roll in.  I paid off 3 of them today and made a small payment to my landlord for the loan to buy prescription injections.  The really big bill is still looming, though.  I expect it to arrive soon.

I've asked my boss if I can work 5 hours per day instead of 4 hours.  That's a 25% increase in costs to my employer, so I'm not sure if they'll accept that change.  I'm not thrilled (where my mental health is concerned) about the change either.  I can easily take additional stress for a few weeks or months, but permanent stress is a bad thing.  We'll see how this change works out, if it's approved.

At least my Minnesota Care coverage is approved.  I made an online payment yesterday morning, so in theory my coverage should begin today since it's the 1st day of the month.  Monthly costs have more than doubled since I was last insured by them, but this taxpayer-subsidized coverage is still cheaper than buying insurance elsewhere.  Unfortunately, they do not help with any payment of previous medical bills.  The hospital basically lied to me by saying that MN Care would help for up to 90 days previous.

My mother says that I don't have a family history of blood clot issues, which is good.  My genetic testing (done years ago) also shows little genetic influence, only a very slight increased predisposition for venous thromboembolism.  Newer tests might show different results.  I'm sure that new genetic markers have been found since then, markers that my old test never checked.  Hopefully, though, I won't need to stay on my cheap anti-coagulant medication for the rest of my life.

One day at a time, I guess.  And would you believe that we have snow forecast for tomorrow morning?  Crutches make navigation fun and exciting!

People are possum, coon, or some mixture of the two. I'm all possum.

The opossum is a marsupial with three effective methods of deterring predators. They can drop like a corpse, empty their stomach, and empty their bowels. All three behaviors are meant to change their appearance from appetizing meal to unclean filth. Marsupials are very distantly related to apes, and I think the only one of those instincts we share (and not all of us, at that) is the sudden drop in blood pressure that shuts down the central nervous system. In other words, we faint when we detect a threat to our bodies.

My enoxaparin medication needs to be injected into belly fat twice a day. I gave it a good attempt. I laid back in the bathroom so the cool tub on my back and legs could help keep my mind focused. As soon as I smelled a whiff of that sterilizing alcohol, though, the panic immediately set in. I broke out in sweat, got jittery, and probably would have fainted if I wasn't already in a reclining position to help keep blood in my skull. I couldn't bring myself to break my own skin with the very small needle.  I don't remember any nausea or diarrhea (such as an actual opposum would feel) from medical procedures, but I have fainted before... and I've come close to fainting many times.

Luckily, one of my landlords, Michael Vieths, has been able to inject me with my medication each morning and night. We've been following a circle around my belly button with each dose.  I scheduled a visit at a nearby clinic and they showed him how to do it. It's worked out fine. He happens to be studying for a Master's in bioinformatics, so this real-world lab practice might even make him stand out from other students in his field, I don't know.  I lay flat on the sofa, I lightly pinch my belly fat to make a tall enough target to accept the length of the short needle, then he inserts the needle and presses the plunger.  It's gone rather well.  There's far less bruising at the sites than I was expecting.

I also needed his help to pay for the initial batch of syringes.  This one medication costs just shy of $1000 for a 7-day supply.  The hospital mentioned nothing of this cost when they prescribed it (nor did they heed my doubts that I could inject myself).  Now, because my blood serum levels of blood thinner medication suddenly spiked, I'm no longer taking the injections as of this afternoon.  I've got $350 of medication left over that I must not use any more.  That's nearly a month's rent for me... wasted.  Gotta love the American medical system, right?  :(

On the plus side, though, the medication helped.  My pain levels have gone down a lot.  The swelling has gone down almost completely.  I can easily sit upright at this computer terminal for 30 minutes at a time now.  The increased blood pressure in my leg eventually causes enough pain that I move back to my horizontal position on the couch.

I plan to go to work on Wednesday.  Here's the view outside my bedroom window this morning.  We got some more snow last night.  Thankfully, temperatures are rising extraordinarily fast, and almost all the snow has already melted from sidewalks everywhere.  It should be safe for me to use my crutches tomorrow.

Oh, before I forget... I noticed in the bathtub during my attempt to self-inject that merely the whiff of isopropyl alcohol prompts an immediate panic reaction.  Apparently the lifelong experience of clinic injections since infancy has trained my nervous system to recognize that scent as a threat.  I tried on Saturday to do some Pavlovian conditioning on myself.  I took a whiff of the alcohol, ate a spicy dorito, and then repeated again after a few minutes.  I don't think it worked at all.  I still recognize the bloodstream rush of panic when I first scent the disinfectant.  It's a good theory, though.  Maybe it just needs more practice.  Still, though, it's the pain that my nervous system is trying to avoid.  If the process left no tactile sensation at all... I suspect that I could learn to inject myself.

As long as there's pain, though, then the proper autonomic response (for a possum like me) is to reduce blood pressure for an emergency shutdown of the nervous system.  I don't think you can train a possum to be a coon instead.

It was just a matter of time (11:20pm last night, to be precise) until a muscle twitch directly affected the bad spot behind my knee. Thankfully, it only lasted about 20 minutes.

All of the progress I made by resting Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, however, is gone. Even after sleeping through the night.

Now it's a waiting game to see how soon my Minnesota Care application gets processed so I get access to health care for this increasingly painful injury. Will I give up and go to a hospital emergency room first? Either way, Minnesota taxpayers end up paying for my care (sorry, folks) but it would be a lot cheaper in a non-emergency setting.

The race is on.

(edit 2:45pm: I measured my left calf circumference and it's up to 44.5 cm now. The swelling is definitely worse.)

I am not a fan of pain. I won't attend NTEN this morning, unfortunately.

I can't even straighten my leg today, regardless of any weight that I might put on it. The pain kept me awake until sometime after 3am this morning. My muscle injury seems to be much better, nearly healed. A secondary injury, however, keeps getting worse. It started about 4 days after I hurt my leg, and today it is at its worst condition yet. It feels like somebody is reaching behind my leg to jam their finger into the tender area underneath my knee.  Not in the kneecap itself, but in the knee joint area on the back of my leg.

On Monday, I will mail some additional documentation for my Minnesota Care medical application. After I'm approved, I'm definitely scheduling another doctor visit so he can refer me to an MRI clinic to see what's wrong with the soft tissue in my leg. He wanted to do that referral on both of my last visits, but he declined since I have no health insurance.

He wanted me to be off of my cane by today. Funny, funny guy. I may be switching back to crutches instead. It's not his fault, though. He's actually been quite thorough for a patient with no money. He has spent plenty of time feeling behind my knee to make sure he could account for tendon and ligament placement without noticing any unusual lumps where broken fibers might have curled up. I feel that he has been quite competent. I'm just poor in America is the only problem.

What a boring blog this has become of late, just me complaining about my leg. I'll try to find something more interesting to capture my attention and share. :)

I've reached three milestones, sort of.

1) The weather here has been quite warm lately (read: mostly above freezing) only small patches of snow are still left on the landscape.  We have forecast for some snow on Thursday, but at least it will be sure to melt away quickly.

2) I had a muscle cramp last night around 10pm.  It was the first cramp in over a year of good luck. I'm somewhat bummed about it.  Luckily it was in my right foot instead of my left foot where it could have aggravated my injured leg. I got up early today so I can drive out to the Autism Society Of Minnesota and make sure I get registered for the annual autism conference in 2 weeks.  I want to visit other adults on the spectrum and ask which local neurologists they've used before.  I want to find a specialist that doesn't treat me like a hypochondriac when I report symptoms.  I mailed my Minnesota Care application yesterday.  We'll see how long the bureaucracy takes to get me into a program.

3) The local gay library, Quatrefoil, is moving to a new location.  The new development will also be providing housing for low-income, elderly GLBT folk.  I emailed my information to them (in a pdf linked to by Quatrefoil for their followers) so they should contact me about my possible eligibility when units open up.  If I qualify, it would be an awesome place to call "home" for the rest of my life.  It would mean commitment to continue working in the Twin Cities too, but I think it would be worth it to be part of that new little enclave.

The seasons are changing.  Into what, I don't yet know, but it seems worthwhile to keep looking forward.

I already knew that there was a loose connection between autism and multiple sclerosis.  I gave up investigating that connection a year ago when I thought my health problems were related only to B12 absorption, cured by ridding my body of an unhelpful gut infection. My recent muscle injury while walking (a common multiple sclerosis complaint) has changed my mind. I am revisiting the issue... and it's fascinating.

Nerve cells require myelin insulation for them to propagate a signal correctly. This insulation is NOT built by the nerve cell itself as I once assumed, but is instead built externally by glial cells (helper brain cells) called oligodendrocytes. There is some evidence of glial abnormalities among autistics, but the main link with multiple sclerosis may involve myelin antibodies.

Normally, a body shouldn't reject myelin as foreign material, but there is ample evidence that some autistics develop antibodies to myelin anyway. I repeatedly find recent studies (such as these from 2010 and 2011) that note prominent differences in these antibody levels between autistics and neurotypicals. Researchers are investigating possible factors such as serotonin and vitamin D, which also lead me back to ideas about membrane permeability in the brain and gut.

I'm rethinking multiple sclerosis as a self diagnosis. I'm rethinking Primal Diet as a helpful change for myself.

I may drop by the office of the local Autism Society of Minnesota to ask if they know any neurologists who are familiar with autism. I think I might like to pursue my health issues with doctors again, but only if I can avoid the ones I've dealt with previously. Of course, I'll have to sign up for taxpayer-subsidized Minnesota Care again, since I have no money of my own to spend on this stuff, even though an actual solution would help keep me employed for many years to come.

Edit (2013.04.08):  Well, I had a muscle cramp tonight around 10pm, breaking my year-long streak without them.  At least it was in my right foot and not my left (where it might have aggravated my injured leg muscles).