RIP: Carl West Collier
2010-Apr-03, Saturday 10:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mellowtiggerI think maybe I have only one photograph that includes both me and a boyfriend. That photo is of me and Carl during a trip to Alaska. Here we are, pictured standing on top of a glacier that was fast melting, even back in 1995. My long hair is tied back because of the wind.
Carl was 10 years older than me, and he had AIDS (not just HIV). He wanted to spend his wealth before he died, so he took a lot of trips. I had no money for such extravagances, and I disliked him spending money on me, but the Alaska opportunity was a once-in-a-lifetime offer that I knew I couldn't turn down. So I scheduled a week off from work and we went together, on his dollar.
It was one of those boat cruises that cater specifically to gay male couples. I got the opportunity (rare for me at the time) to see dozens of couples who had been together for years or decades. That trip was, unfortunately, the death knell for our relationship. As I told Carl afterwards, "It's like everybody else knows what to do, but I still don't." If I had my autism diagnosis back then, I think maybe we both might have learned how to work together. We might have endured as a couple. At the time, though, I knew that I was frequently confused or unsure or something far worse... unaware. My obliviousness did hurt Carl on several occasions.
Carl wanted a "clean break", so we didn't contact each other after we split up. The one exception was when he called me to ask for help in picking up a medication at the pharmacy that he needed right away. He couldn't get there himself, and he couldn't find anyone else to do it quickly either. I was glad to help.
There are other memorable details of our time together. Like our sense of humor that seemed to "click" really well for us. Like the "familiarity" that seemed so natural between us. Like the fact that our relationship (only 1.5 years) was the longest that I've ever had with anyone. Like me wanting to pay as much as I could afford in rent each month (was it maybe a pittance of $200/month?), even though we lived in his $300,000+ condominium. And other stuff that I might include someday in a post on a different topic.
I paid $3 today at one of those public records websites. I confirmed that their information was for the right guy. We lived together at 3845 FM 2222, Austin TX 78746. Somehow, even the phone number 512-323-5355 seems familiar.
Carl West Collier
born: 1957 December 14
died: 2002 January 13 (age 44)
I assume that he died of AIDS complications, but I didn't shell out the extra bucks for death certificates and other details. He was a rich man, and the one time that he tried to broach the topic of his will, I told him that he should leave everything to a non-profit organization. He was very much against that idea. I hope that he managed either to spend it on himself before he died or to find somebody else important to him.
For the record, we practiced Safer Sex. I never seroconverted. I remain HIV-negative.
I should go digging in old boxes to see if I have any other photos of me with other boyfriends. I can't remember any other pictures at the moment. It would be strange, though, if this one picture is the only such image that I ever collected in my life. I tried only one more romance after Carl, before I finally decided (over 12 years ago) to stop inflicting my ineptitude on people that I cared about. I think Carl would have instantly approved my autism diagnosis if such had been available back then. As he was prone to sing to me (in Madonna voice): "Express Yourself!"
Yes, I've reverted to traditional pronouns for this entry, in case any of his relatives search his name someday and find this post. They won't know about my new terminology, and I want them to read without needing a translator.
Carl was 10 years older than me, and he had AIDS (not just HIV). He wanted to spend his wealth before he died, so he took a lot of trips. I had no money for such extravagances, and I disliked him spending money on me, but the Alaska opportunity was a once-in-a-lifetime offer that I knew I couldn't turn down. So I scheduled a week off from work and we went together, on his dollar.It was one of those boat cruises that cater specifically to gay male couples. I got the opportunity (rare for me at the time) to see dozens of couples who had been together for years or decades. That trip was, unfortunately, the death knell for our relationship. As I told Carl afterwards, "It's like everybody else knows what to do, but I still don't." If I had my autism diagnosis back then, I think maybe we both might have learned how to work together. We might have endured as a couple. At the time, though, I knew that I was frequently confused or unsure or something far worse... unaware. My obliviousness did hurt Carl on several occasions.
Carl wanted a "clean break", so we didn't contact each other after we split up. The one exception was when he called me to ask for help in picking up a medication at the pharmacy that he needed right away. He couldn't get there himself, and he couldn't find anyone else to do it quickly either. I was glad to help.
There are other memorable details of our time together. Like our sense of humor that seemed to "click" really well for us. Like the "familiarity" that seemed so natural between us. Like the fact that our relationship (only 1.5 years) was the longest that I've ever had with anyone. Like me wanting to pay as much as I could afford in rent each month (was it maybe a pittance of $200/month?), even though we lived in his $300,000+ condominium. And other stuff that I might include someday in a post on a different topic.
I paid $3 today at one of those public records websites. I confirmed that their information was for the right guy. We lived together at 3845 FM 2222, Austin TX 78746. Somehow, even the phone number 512-323-5355 seems familiar.
Carl West Collier
born: 1957 December 14
died: 2002 January 13 (age 44)
I assume that he died of AIDS complications, but I didn't shell out the extra bucks for death certificates and other details. He was a rich man, and the one time that he tried to broach the topic of his will, I told him that he should leave everything to a non-profit organization. He was very much against that idea. I hope that he managed either to spend it on himself before he died or to find somebody else important to him.
For the record, we practiced Safer Sex. I never seroconverted. I remain HIV-negative.
I should go digging in old boxes to see if I have any other photos of me with other boyfriends. I can't remember any other pictures at the moment. It would be strange, though, if this one picture is the only such image that I ever collected in my life. I tried only one more romance after Carl, before I finally decided (over 12 years ago) to stop inflicting my ineptitude on people that I cared about. I think Carl would have instantly approved my autism diagnosis if such had been available back then. As he was prone to sing to me (in Madonna voice): "Express Yourself!"
Yes, I've reverted to traditional pronouns for this entry, in case any of his relatives search his name someday and find this post. They won't know about my new terminology, and I want them to read without needing a translator.